“Don’t forget the men!” This is a phrase heard frequently from post-abortive men. Currently, state and national abortion laws are changing rapidly. We hear and read, “My body, my choice.” It appears to be all about the women. Women are told, “You will have the right to choose if you will carry or abort your child.”
In frequent instances, the birth father has not been made aware that his wife or girlfriend is pregnant or that a family member of the birth mother, or the birth mother, has chosen to abort the birth father’s child.
In many situations, when the birth father is made aware of the abortion, he is devastated. He wonders why he was not made aware of the pregnancy and why the birth mom decided to abort the pregnancy.
After participating on a panel at a Lutherans For Life conference a few years ago, a man came up to me and said, “Don’t forget the men.” He shared that his girlfriend had an abortion and didn’t tell him about it until quite a while afterward. He was crushed. He inquired if there were post-abortion recovery groups for men. At an LFL Board of Directors’ meeting shortly before this conference, a guest speaker had told us how his life had been affected by abortion. He indicated that he and some other post-abortive men in the St. Louis area had written a curriculum for men whose lives had been impacted by abortion, and they were offering classes for men with similar experiences.We were able to share this information with the man. I have thought about him often over the years and continue to keep him in my prayers.
Another time a man cried in my arms—it was quite emotional. He said several years ago he had a girlfriend who was pregnant with his child, and she decided to have an abortion. She had not told him she was pregnant and planned to terminate the pregnancy. She went to the abortion facility by herself as she thought abortion was a simple, safe procedure. Well, something went wrong, and she needed to be sent immediately to a hospital. She had given this man’s name as the emergency contact, never dreaming he would need to be called. He was shocked when he received the phone call. He did go immediately and took her to the hospital. She survived and shortly afterward the man terminated the relationship. (As a side note, he is now a Lutheran pastor.)
A post-abortive grandfather shared that when his daughter was a teenager, she became pregnant. His wife and daughter chose to abort the baby over his objection. He is still grieving for the loss of the grandchild he never knew. He and his wife came close to divorcing, but their faith has kept them together.
How did Joseph handle Mary’s pregnancy when he first learned she was expecting a baby that was not his child? Matthew 1:19-21(NIV) states: “Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law … he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, ‘Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.’”
Don’t forget the men! God doesn’t and neither should we!