by Scott Stiegemeyer
Many of us have thousands of “friends” online and yet still cannot think of one person we could call at two in the morning if our lives were in shambles. We are more connected than any generation in history, yet many people have never felt more alone.
Research shows that people in the U.S. are experiencing a serious decline in number of close friendships and social connection over the last few decades. Right now, half of American adults report suffering from significant loneliness. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, produced an advisory called Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation which gathered a growing body of research linking social isolation to a range of adverse health outcomes. People who lack meaningful relationships face a 29% greater risk of heart disease and 32% greater risk of stroke. There are profound cognitive effects as well. For example, older adults who are chronically lonely are roughly 50% more likely to develop dementia. The Surgeon General called the lack of social connection an urgent public health challenge. The Department of Health and Human Services characterized the problem as a public health crisis.
What’s the Thing?
Merely being alone does not necessarily mean a person is lonely. People often enjoy time to themselves, some more than others. Likewise, simply being in the presence of a lot of people does not mean a person has satisfying relationships. A person could be at a party, work in a team, go home to a family and still feel deeply isolated in the world. It is one of the great ironies of our time that we have so many opportunities for social connection by means of technology and yet intense loneliness is on the rise. This is what the sociologist, Sherry Turkle, called being “alone together.”
According to Pew Research, 53% of Americans say they have fewer than five close friends and 8% claim to have none. If intense loneliness is one of the defining problems of modern society, then Christians should ask a theological question. What does God say close human relationships are about? Before we can understand why loneliness wounds us so deeply, we must first understand what friendship and companionship was created to be.