by Rev. Dave Wende
A number of years ago, I represented Minnesota as one of the elected delegates to a White House Conference on Families. Countless hours were spent in pre-conference workshops as we tried to come up with a definition of “family.”
Most people my age never had to deal with the issue of definition, since most of my peers were brought up in the “nuclear” family with a father and a mother. Family was understood to be the basic building block of society itself. My own experience of being brought up in a Christian home by Christian parents who took (not sent) me to church and Sunday school never left me wondering about the definition of family.
However, the primary liberal focus of this particular conference was to redefine and redesign the family. Introduced into the discussion were terms like “significant other,” “live-in partner,” “alternative lifestyle,” and “children’s rights.” And look where we are today!
As concerned Christian parents wring their hands over disrespectful young children, rebellious teenagers, sexual promiscuity, children born outside of the marriage union, abortion, broken marriages of their older children, and insensitivity of some children to the needs of elderly parents or grandparents, we seek out a better way to raise the family.
What has been overlooked is God’s plan for joy and order in the family. He presents an absolute and universal standard of right and wrong. While God understands the sinful inability of His people to perfectly follow His will, this divine plan for moral order is one which must be taught as the model. The Book of Proverbs offers instruction for “the proverbial family.”
As you examine God’s words of wisdom for the family, it becomes apparent that He is deeply concerned about the relationship of husband and wife, parents to children, children to parents. In the interest of your own family, I invite you to take time to look up the Scriptural references in the Book of Proverbs.
Husband and Wife
A husband’s primary responsibility to his wife is faithfulness. The wandering eye of infidelity is a destructive force that undermines the union God has intended for husband and wife. Above all else, guard your affections, we are told, for they influence everything else in your life (4:23; cf 5:15-16, 18-19; 6:29, 32). The foundation for a man’s leadership and faithfulness is found in the truth that reverence for God gives a man deep strength (14:26).
The worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown; the other kind corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does (12:4; cf 21:9). The “proverbial woman” of Proverbs 31 is trustworthy (11); helpful (12); energetic (17); thrifty (18); generous (20); fearless (21); strong and dignified (25); wise and kind (26); careful (27); praiseworthy (28); and displays reverence for God (30).
Parents to Children
Parents are to lead their children by following the steps of the godly (2:20), which includes a loving rendering of discipline (3:12; 13:24; 22:6, 15; 23:13-14). But the greatest blessing parents can give to their children is their own reverence for God. Thus, his children have a place of refuge (14:26).
Children to Parents
For every instruction given to parents there are four given to the children. Listen to your father and mother. What you learn from them will stand you in good stead; it will gain you many honors (1:8; cf 6:20-23; 23:22-25). Only a fool despises his father’s advice; a wise son considers each suggestion (15:5, 20).
The Book of Proverbs is filled with ageless wisdom concerning gang association (1:10,15; 28:7); chastity (5:1-13,16); good judgment and common sense (3:4-5); putting God first (3:6); avoiding selfishness (5:12); level-headedness (10:1); respect (13:1; 19:26; 30:17); rebellion (15:5,20; 17:21,25; 19:13); and care for parents (17:6; 23:22; 28:24).
While some will regard the directions above us unrealistic, impractical, or outdated, let us remember that the world’s wisdom has only led to more brokenness and dysfunction. Doesn’t it make sense to return to the Creator’s Holy Word? Doesn’t it make sense to seek—by His grace and power—to become the Proverbial Family?
Reprinted from “Living” magazine, a publication of Lutherans For Life – Summer 1993.