Prayers For Those Who Have Experienced the Death of a Child Before Birth
Have you experienced a miscarriage or a stillbirth? In spite of what good intentioned people might say, no one can truly understand what you are going through. Your grief and pain are unique to you. Sometimes it is hard to find someone to talk with who understands. But God understands. He is the one who knew us before he formed us in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). We invite you to talk with him in the prayers that follow.
Comfort Us Lord
Dear Lord,
Never before have I felt this much pain. I feel overwhelmed and devastated.
This loss is more than the end of a pregnancy, more than a change in our plans-it is the death of our child. This profound sadness seems to bring up all previous losses.
People expect us to “get on with our lives.” In so many ways, ours is an invisible tragedy. Only you, Creator God, know the deepest pain in our hearts and know the reality of our child.
Help us hold steadfast through the tears. Help us find meaning in living while facing the death of our baby. I feel disconnected from life in so many ways. Remember me, Lord, and keep me connected with you through your Son, Jesus.
Guide me, God, out of the isolation I feel. Keep me from thoughts of blame. Open me up to the grief I must experience, and give me the strength to endure.
Give me courage to face the pain I see in the eyes of my spouse that is a reflection of my own. Embrace me with your eternal love so that I may embrace my partner. Meld our broken hearts together in a love that can endure this tragedy-a love made complete in your love for us through our savior.
Comfort us, Lord, and show us the way to rest in your love. Console us each as individuals and as a couple. Help us grow closer to one another and to you.
In Jesus’ name I pray.
Amen.
A Mother’s Prayer
Compassionate Lord,
I feel so empty now. I remember the excited feeling of new life growing within me. My baby and I were one. Now I am alone. That intimate togetherness is gone. The separation from my child is devastating. My womb aches with an intensity that brings me to my knees.
I am overwhelmed with my loss. I know people around me just don’t understand. I want to be comforted, yet I feel myself push others away. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy. Nothing seems to make sense. Nothing seems important now. Lord, don’t let me push you away, too. Rather, let me draw closer to you in Christ.
My husband seems to be withdrawing. He has thrown himself into his job and acts as if life is normal. Life will never be the same again. Will I ever have energy and direction again? All I can do is cry, sigh, and relive every detail of the pregnancy and miscarriage. I worry about our marriage. Provide us with the strength and commitment to reach out to one another and grow in our love. Strengthen our faith in you, so that in faith we can be strong for each other.
I see a pregnant woman and feel such jealousy. I read the birth announcements in the paper and my stomach churns. Even the television commercials for baby food bring a new flood of tears. Help me, Lord, to move out of the depths of despair. Guide me to a new perspective that does not forget my loss, but integrates it into healthy living. Teach me to move forward on the solid rock of your love in Christ. Dry my tears in time, O God. Help me remember that in the eternal future in heaven, I will understand and there will be no tears.
Give me hope in your resurrection. Though my baby has died to me, I commend my child to your boundless love, for our risen Savior’s sake.
Comfort me, Lord. I need your peace.
Amen.
A Father’s Prayer
I come before you with a heavy heart. I’ve held back my tears, attempting to be strong for my wife. It is difficult enough to face the death of my child, but watching my wife grieve is more than I can handle. I feel so helpless. How can I comfort her when my own heart is breaking?
Help me, Father, to help my wife. Give me the openness to offer her the tenderness of my tears. Help me to communicate my deepest feelings to her. I’ve heard these tragedies can either destroy a marriage or bring a couple closer together. Give us the wisdom to cling to each other and to you, and to draw strength from our love and yours.
I even find myself jealous of my wife. She at least held our child in her womb. My arms are empty and so is my heart. Then there is the concern for my wife. People seem to think it is only the mother who grieves. Everyone always asks me the same question: “How is your wife doing?” No one asks how I’m doing! Don’t they know it is also my baby who died? Don’t they know I am also grieving? Just as you always forgive me, Lord, help me to forgive those who do not include me in their expressions of concern.
Lord, I would have been such a good father. All of my dreams and hopes associated with my child are shattered. I watched the news tonight and heard of a small child beaten by her dad. I screamed at you for allowing that man to have a child and mine is gone. It’s not fair! My anger and grief seem unbearable. I want to blame someone, yet I know that it is irrational. I feel there must be a way I can stop this horrible thing from happening to us. Nothing frustrates a man more than knowing he can’t “fix” things.
O God, fill the void in my life with your grace and goodness in Christ. Turn my thoughts heavenward. Settle my soul and help me find strength.
Amen.
Other Children in the Family
Loving Lord Jesus,
We know our other children need our attention. Give us the patience, strength, and wisdom needed to parent them at this time. Help us to be sensitive to their pain and suffering.
The loss of a baby is a painful lesson in the miracle and fragility of life. Help us to convey that message in an age-appropriate manner.
Guide us in giving explanations that are simple. Keep us open to their questions and their needs. Help us lead them into your loving arms for comfort.
I realize that children often believe their actions, thoughts, or wishes are powerful enough to cause things to happen. Help me be attuned to any personal responsibility my children may feel toward the death of the baby. Before the death they may have felt jealous that the new baby would get all the attention. Now, they may feel horribly guilty and responsible for the baby’s death. Help me give assurances that nobody is to blame and that you have forgiven them for any bad thoughts they may have had.
This loss gives me a deeper appreciation for my other children. I thank you for them. I cherish each day with them. I know there are no guarantees tomorrow. Keep me from becoming overprotective and fearful for their health and safety. Send your holy angels to watch over them.
Help us to include our children in the healing process so that they do not feel confused, left out, or not important enough to be included. Pull together all members of our family at this time of mourning. Bring us ever closer to you.
Amen.
About Grieving Grandparents
Help us, Lord,
It is difficult to see my parents’ grief. They were so excited about a new grandchild. Now they are at a loss for words. I know that they had expectations for their grandchild. They made plans for their relationship, just as we did. Somehow I feel I let them down. It was like giving them a gift and then taking it away.
I sometimes wish I could be a little child again and climb into the lap of my mother or father and be comforted. When I was little and hurt my knee, my mother would kiss it and make it all better. No kisses can make this better. For this, I need the touch of your love and compassion.
I know my parents are hurting twice. They are hurting for their loss of a grandchild and hurting to see me in so much pain. It is so hard for them to watch us hurt. I know I should be more comforting to them in their grief, but I just don’t have the strength. So I’m asking you, Lord, to heal their broken hearts. Give them the courage to face this tragedy with you at their side and in their hearts.
Let me learn from their wisdom. It is a wisdom that was gained from their sorrows over the years. And may we all be made still wiser through the word and work of Christ our Savior.
Help all of us transform our grief into compassion for each other. Comfort us by the compassion you have for us in your son Jesus. Amen.
Painful Clichés
Dear Lord,
We know people mean to be helpful and comforting, but so often their words are negative and painful.
“It’s for the better.” No, it’s not! This is not the way it is supposed to be. Parents are not supposed to outlive their own children. Still, I know Lord, that you will work this out for our good because you have promised.
“It’s nature’s way of getting rid of a mistake. There was probably something wrong, so be grateful it didn’t live.” Our baby wasn’t a mistake! We unconditionally loved our child. We trust now in your wisdom and love, O God.
“It’s the will of God.” We cannot believe that a loving God of compassion could ever will the death of a baby. In Genesis we hear of your plan, Lord, for no sickness, pain, or death. It was after your creation that these troubles came into human lives. We believe that you grieve with us, and we look to you to ease our grief.
“God only gives us what we can handle.” Is that supposed to mean that if I weren’t such a strong person, my baby would still be alive? I know that isn’t true. What my faith does tell me is that you, God, for Christ’s sake, will give us the strength and support we need to handle whatever situation we face.
“There are more babies where that one came from; you can always have another.” One child does not replace another. We pray for the blessing of other children, but know there are no guarantees that we will conceive again.
Help us, merciful God, move beyond people’s words and feel their intent to comfort us. Let us understand that they simply do not know the right words to say. Let us be open to the embrace of their hearts so we may accept the blessings of their comfort. Finally, let the comfort of your words and the grace of the Lord Jesus sustain us.
Amen.
These prayers were written by Jeannie Hannemann, founder and Executive Director of Elizabeth Ministry. Elizabeth Ministry is an international outreach to women in special times of womanhood. Following the Biblical example of Mary and Elizabeth, Elizabeth Ministry shares the sacredness of life. Elizabeth Ministry has been designed to affirm, support, encourage, and assist women and their families throughout the joys, trials, and sorrows of the childbearing years-offering opportunity for maternal mentoring.