Surprised by Grief
We all have grieved the loss of someone at some point in our lives. Nothing could be more painful than the death of a child. In Matthew 2:18, Rachel personifies the Jewish women whose babies were killed by Herod’s soldiers (Matthew 2:16). They refused to be comforted because of the depth of their grief. But those who have lost a child because they had an abortion, or were part of an abortion decision, often are not comforted because they are not allowed to grieve. Our society makes no provisions for such grief. Therefore, those involved in an abortion decision often do not allow themselves to grieve because they do not think they should. But such sorrow cannot be suppressed indefinitely.
Your grief and shame caught you by surprise. You didn’t expect to have such terrible sorrow following your abortion. At the time of the abortion you may not have realized your actions resulted in the death of another person. The fact that a baby-your own child-is dead by your consent may overwhelm you. We grieve for a person whose fragile life was ended only weeks after it had begun. Only when it was too late did we realize that this person we never knew was loved. Unlike the “Rachels” of Bethlehem who had no say in the death of their children, your grief may be intensified because of your involvement with your baby’s death.
Emotional Reactions
Adverse emotional reactions often follow an abortion, although in some cases, delayed for many years. They are described as the inability to deal with the anger, sadness, and guilt surrounding the abortion. The resulting symptoms include:
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Emotional numbness.
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Anger.
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Sexual problems.
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Lowered self-esteem.
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Eating disorders.
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Drug/alcohol abuse.
“They will hate themselves for the evil and disgusting things they have done” (Ezek.6:9).
Hope in Jesus
The post-abortive woman asks, “Who can free me from this hurt and pain?” The answer is God in his Son, Jesus Christ. The verse we are discussing, Matthew 2:18, is a quote from the book of Jeremiah. There God continues, “Stop your crying, and wipe away your tears … Your future is filled with hope” (Jeremiah 31:16-17). Jesus did not come into the world to condemn sinners (John 3:17). He came to save sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). Indeed, Jesus came to be a friend of sinners and to welcome them (Luke 15:1-2). Jesus came to bear the guilt and punishment of sin (1 John 4:10). There is hope. You can be healed, “But nothing is impossible for God” (Luke 1:37). God’s word becomes your source of healing.
The Healing Process
Acknowledge Your Sin
First, you must acknowledge that abortion is sin. Then confess that sin and ask God’s forgiveness. We have the promise, in 1 John 1:9: “God is faithful and reliable. If we confess our sins, he forgives them and cleanses us from everything we’ve done wrong.” Notice that there are no exceptions in that wonderful promise. Abortion is NOT the unpardonable sin.
Grieve Your Loss
The healing process also includes grieving your loss. You may find that remorse, a deep sense of guilt or regret, accompanies your grief. But, as you grieve, recognize God is at work in your life. This is difficult to understand sometimes, but the Bible tells us “all things work together for the good of those who love God-those he has called according to his plan” (Rom. 8:28). Many have a difficult time believing that this could apply to something as destructive and devastating as their abortion. But God is faithful to his promises. They apply in all situations.
Deal with Your Shame
Shame often lingers long after the guilt has been confessed and forgiven. Romans 6:21 asks: “What did you gain by doing those things? You’re ashamed of what you used to do because it ended in death.” After seeking God’s forgiveness, your shame may continue to keep you from enjoying your freedom in Christ. Realize that shame may be what brought you to repentance. The shame of your sin can have a healing effect as it steers you to recognize your need of God’s forgiveness. The pain you experienced had given you insights on sin, suffering, and forgiveness.
Trust God’s Promises
Trust in God’s promise of mercy. Go before him and confess your sin. Acknowledge your guilt and take the blame. Then, instead of casting us away from his presence, God will declare to you that he has won mercy for you by the cross of Jesus. On the cross, he dealt with your sin, guilt, and shame. He tells you, “Your sins are forgiven!” He promises, “So those who are believers in Christ Jesus can no longer be condemned” (Romans 8:1). Those are wonderful words to hear. You were to blame, and now God no longer condemns you.
Being forgiven by God does not mean that he wipes out all our emotions and memories. However, as you recall all God has done for you, as you trust in God’s promises and God’s power for your life, your anger and bitterness will eventually be replaced with love and peace. There is hope for your future!