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This book is dedicated to the mothers and fathers who mourn the loss of a child’s life through miscarriage or stillbirth.
It may seem as if God is far away at such times of sorrow, but He knows every sparrow that falls. How much more He must care for you and me … and our little ones.
You Are the Creator
Dear Father,
I am hurting. For some unknown reason, You have chosen to take my child away from me. What hurts most is that I never held this child in my arms. And I will never be able to look into my child’s eyes to see myself reflected there.
I believe that You are the Creator of all life. And because You are the Creator, it is up to You to decide when to take a life back to Yourself. But, why, Lord? Why my child? And why now, before I could even rejoice in the moment of birth? A part of me wants to scream, to shout at You and blame You for stealing my child away. But there is another part of me that knows my child is safely in Your care, protected from any sorrow or pain, disappointment, or heartache.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the loss of a child carried under my own heart. This child was so close, so very much a part of me. Will the pain ever go away, Lord?
You have promised that those who mourn shall be comforted. Please, dear Father, grant me the gift of healing. Dry my tears and bring peace into my heart. Hear my cry for help!
In Jesus’ name. Amen
Old Testament: Genesis 9:13-17
Psalms: Psalm 18:1-6
New Testament: Matthew 5:1-12
Fill My Heart With Peace
Dear God,
You know what it feels like to lose a child. Because You loved us all so much, You sent Your only Son, Jesus Christ, to bear the sins of the world. He suffered while on earth. And He died so that we might have eternal life.
But that is not where the story ends. Your Son, Jesus, is Lord! He conquered sin and death! He rose again on the third day and reigns with You in heaven! Because of Jesus, there is hope for my tomorrows. Because of Jesus, I know that my preborn child is in Your gracious care.
Fill my heart with the peace that passes all understanding as, together, we pick up the pieces of my broken life. Bring joy into my life as I take confidence in Jesus’ own words: “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14b).
For Your love and care, I thank You.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Old Testament: Isaiah 45:11-12
Psalms: Psalm 13:1-3
New Testament: Matthew 6:8-13
Where Are My Friends?
Dear Jesus,
Where are my friends? Where are my neighbors and acquaintances from church? Why don’t they talk to me? Why do they seem to avoid me?
I suppose many of them don’t know what to say. Some probably think I don’t want to talk about the loss of my little one. Maybe some people didn’t even know we were expecting a child. I guess I must be patient with those who cannot understand just how painful this all really is. Perhaps, in time, I can help my friends through their uncomfortableness, so that we can share those feelings that are stirring up deep inside.
Jesus, You know better than anyone else just how bad it feels to be alone. Even Your disciples abandoned You in Your time of need. You can understand better than anyone why I feel abandoned now. Perhaps I shouldn’t say it (even though You know my most private thoughts), but I even feel abandoned by You. Please, give me the courage to continue on. Give me strength for each new day. Fill the emptiness inside me with Your presence.
Give heed to my prayer and stay with me all day long.
In Your name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Judges 6:13
Psalms: Psalm 22:1-5, 9-11, 19
New Testament: Matthew 11:25-30
Emptiness
Dear Lord,
It’s as if my baby never existed! When a child is born, the world hurries to greet that child, showering gifts and remembrances upon the family. But when a child dies before birth, there are no remembrances. There is only an emptiness in the mother’s heart.
I think it’s probably true that many parents don’t talk about their miscarriage. It’s a private mourning; seldom shared with anyone else because few people really understand how one can grieve for someone they’ve never seen. Although it’s difficult to comprehend the bond that forms between a mother and her preborn child, it is nevertheless very real.
And what about the father who desires to protect his wife and child? What are his deepest feelings? Here, too, is a grief that is seldom put into words.
So here I am, Lord—a parent who wanted to see my child grow strong and tall. I come to You with all my sorrow. Don’t turn away from me, but listen to my cries! When I ache to hold my child, comfort me. Be gracious unto me and renew me with Your love.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Old Testament: Job 1:21-22; 2:10b
Psalms: Psalm 37
New Testament: Luke 2:22-35
A Tender Place
Dear Father,
Even as I rode to the hospital, I knew that the child I carried so close to my heart would not return home with me. I hoped and prayed that everything would be all right, and I tried to be brave. In fact, I don’t think I even shed a tear (at least when anyone could see).
The nurses were kind. They really tried, especially after one mistakenly asked if I’d had a boy or girl. The hardest part was leaving the hospital … going home without my baby … going home to a house that now seems empty of life.
I suppose, in time, the wound will heal. I will delight in other children who will laugh and play and bring joy into my life. But there will always be a tender place reserved in my heart for the child I never held, the child the world will never know.
Be gracious, O Lord. Bring healing to my wounded soul and crown me with steadfast love.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: 2 Samuel 12:16-23
Psalms: Psalm 30:11-12
New Testament: John 11:32-38, 40
Why?
Dear Heavenly Father,
As I sit in the darkness after a long, busy day, I think about my preborn child. And I wonder why. Why was this child taken from me? Why did this child’s heart beat so close under my own and then just stop? Why bring joy into my life and then painfully snatch it away? Did You suddenly change Your mind?
No. You are God, the Creator of all life, and You know the plans for each child before they are even conceived. Someday I will understand the reasons why, but for now, please help me understand that Your purpose for every child—both visible and invisible—is good and perfect.
And when I begin to doubt Your purpose for my own life, rescue me from temptation and deliver me from evil. Draw me ever closer to You, dear Lord, and fill me with a desire to seek Your will. Send Your Holy Spirit to lift me up from my sorrows and bring light again into my life.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Isaiah 40:25-31
Psalms: Psalm 139:1-16
New Testament: 2 Corinthians 4:6-10
Hold My Child For Me
O Lord,
You have told us that You love the little children for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. But did You really have need of my child quite so soon? Would there have been something in my child’s earthly life that would have taken him from You? Or have you given my family an opportunity to grow closer to You through our searching and questioning because of our loss?
St. Paul said in Romans 14:7 that the life and death of each of us has its influence on others. I know that my precious child will have a lasting influence on my life. Perhaps friends in my life will not understand this loss to be as significant as the loss of a child after birth, but I know that the life I carried was just as real.
So now, dear Father, because I cannot hold my child, I ask You to hold this precious infant for me. Into Your hands I commit my child. And into Your care I entrust all who weep for the loss of a loved one, no matter what age or stage of development.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Hosea 6:1-3
Psalms: Psalm 116
New Testament: Romans 14:7-9
It Hurts
O Holy Spirit,
With the loss of my little one, my thoughts are confused. A part of me is angry at God for taking away someone so precious to me. Yet, another part of me knows that God works all things together for good to those who love Him.
Still, it hurts when I see another mother carry her child in her arms. And even though I know the Father’s reasons are beyond my understanding, I sometimes question His purpose. Is this wrong?
Lift my heart. Touch my soul. Renew in me a spirit of trust and confidence that I might believe more fervently in the wisdom of Almighty God. Strengthen me with Your quiet courage. Instill in me a sense of peace and do not let me wander in doubt.
O Spirit, when I don’t feel like praying, speak the words for me.
In this moment of weakness, guard me from temptation. Bring to mind and heart all the promises of God that I might be comforted by the Good Shepherd Himself.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Jeremiah 29:11-14
Psalms: Psalm 121
New Testament: Mark 10:13-16
Feelings of Guilt
O God,
Each night as I prepare for bed, I wonder if sleep will come. The ache in my heart only grows more painful as feelings of guilt wash over me. Was it something I did? Was it something I thought? Am I somehow responsible for the death of my child?
And then a quietness settles over me and I know that this is all a part of Your good plan. Isaiah wrote: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
I cannot begin to know why You choose to do what You do, but in faith, I know all of our times are in Your hands, including those of my little one.
Strengthen my faith, O God, and remove my spirit of fear and doubt. Help me to have patience as I heal a little more each day. And grant me an inner peace as I commend my child into Your care.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Old Testament: Isaiah 40:1-5, 9-11
Psalms: Psalm 145:13
New Testament: Matthew 18:10-14
Let Me Be An Instrument
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for leaving Your heavenly home to be our Savior. You knew we had no hope of ever attaining heaven on our own. But, because Your love is so great, You offered Yourself as the Sacrifice for our sins.
And now, because You live, I know my child also lives! Death has been conquered! The victory is won! What joy there is in knowing that You do not despise even the little ones for You have said, “In heaven their angels always behold the face of My Father” (Matthew 18:10).
Help me to grow in courage as I realize that my times, too, are in Your Father’s hands. Above all, help me to believe that whether I live or die, I am the Lord’s.
If there is someone else who is hurting, who doesn’t know the power of Your healing, let me be an instrument of Your peace in their life. Use me, Lord, for Your own good work.
And, Jesus, just one more thing. Thank You for being the gentle, loving Shepherd who watches over every little lamb.
In Your name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Isaiah 66:12-14
Psalms: Psalm 36
New Testament: 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Send Me An Angel
Dear Heavenly Father,
It’s never easy to say, “not my will but Yours be done.” I guess there’s no denying that I want to have control over my own life. I want things to work out the way I want them to.
And so, it was my will that, as a mother, I would bring new life into the world. It was my will that this child run free and play. And when a cut or scrape demanded a kiss or hug, I would be the healer.
There’s no hiding the fact that I had big plans for this child. In my mind, this little one could have grown up to be the President! Or maybe a missionary … or the inventor of a great cure saving hundreds of lives. You know the hopes that every mother has for her son or daughter.
That’s a hard thing to let go of, Lord. And I’m going to have to work on it. So please, give me the same faith and trust that You gave Your son Jesus when He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene. Send me an angel from heaven to strengthen me as You did for Your own dear Son in His hour of great need. And give me hope for a bright future, one with opportunities to witness of You, the Giver of eternal life.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Jeremiah 31:13
Psalms: Psalm 126
New Testament: Hebrews 4:16
You Called My Child By Name
Great God,
You have carved my child on the palm of Your hand. You have gathered this little lamb into Your arms. Although I could not hear it, You called my child by name. My compassion is great for this child of my womb, and I know I will never forget this precious life that touched my own. But neither will You forget.
Your plans are for good, not evil. I trust that You will turn mourning into joy. You will heal my wounds and dry my tears. And whenever my heart is saddened by remembering this loss, You will comfort me with healing love. You will never desert me. And because You know I am fragile, I know You will never give me more than what You will help me to endure. My hope is in You, Lord! In You do I put my trust!
Bring light into my world. Walk with my family and me as we come out of this difficult time and find new hope in the future. Thank you for those friends who have shared this loss, who have been supportive, who have mourned with us.
Now into Your hands I entrust parents all over the world, whose hearts are aching. For the gift of life, no matter how short, I thank You.
In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Old Testament: Lamentations 3:21-24
Psalms: Psalm 124
New Testament: Ephesians 3:14-21
God said …
don’t look to the bigness of your need:
Look to the bigness of your God.
Your circumstances are
hindrances to seeing My abilities.
If you keep your eyes on your circumstances,
the devil will use your circumstance
to defeat you and accuse the Word of God …
the written and the living Word.
Your victory is in keeping your eyes on the bigness of your God and His abilities.
He has promised to take you
step by step by step …
Not all at once, but step by step …
and each step will be a miracle.
A Balloon Service For Family & Friends
In remembrance of our preborn child and in celebration of all life—visible or invisible—we release these balloons, knowing that the Father does not will one child to be lost. (Silent Prayer) May all who see and find these balloons know that our baby was real, was wanted, was loved. (Close with “I Am Jesus’ Little Lamb” or “Jesus Loves Me This I Know.”)
A Private Candle Lighting Ceremony
Jesus is the Light of the World. He is our Hope and Salvation. He brings perfect peace and comforts aching hearts. As we light this candle in remembrance of our precious little one, may we also remember the priceless gift of eternal life, given to us and to our child (children) by the Heavenly Father. (Silent Prayer)
In lighting this candle, may it remind us that we are to let our lights shine so that others may see our good works which God has prepared for us to do. As God’s children, loved from above, may we glorify our Father who is in heaven. And Jesus said, “I am the Light of the world: he that follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have eternal life.”
© 1990 by Linda Bartlett (Revised June 2005)
Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All Rights Reserved. The “NIV” and “New International Version” trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of the International Bible Society.