They call our hotline (888-217-8679) desperately looking for help. “My friend told me to call you before I go for an abortion. Can you help? I am really scared of what my parents will say. They have enough problems already without this. It will kill them if they find out I am pregnant.”
We receive a few hundred calls a month; one-third are pregnancy related, and many are from teenagers. When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, teens need to realize that the decisions they make are permanent and will affect them for the rest of their lives. Abortion may seem like the only choice, and the easiest way out, but abortion is permanent. There is no bringing back a dead baby.
Rachel (not her real name) was 16 when she became pregnant. Too embarrassed and afraid to go to her parents, she turned to her high school guidance counselor for advice. She wrote this letter from a correctional facility:
Dear Grace,
My dad is a Pastor and we are a very religious family. When I became pregnant I didn’t want to disappoint my parents or bring shame to our family. I love and care about them so much. Instead, I went to my school counselor. He was very sympathetic and understanding. He said there was no need to worry my family about my pregnancy. He also explained how hard having a child would be on me and that I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted to do at school. I was an A student and involved in basketball, hoping to get a scholarship for college. He said that the child would suffer because I was much too young to be a parent. He said the best thing for me to do was to abort the fetus so no one would be hurt. There was no suggestion of talking to my parents, or about carrying the baby to term, or even to consider adoption.
I felt as though I had no other choice. I did not care about the boy I was with. I really didn’t even know him very well. It was my first time having sex and never thought I could get pregnant. I felt so confused about having an abortion, but I’d think back to what the school counselor had told me, and it seemed he was right. I just didn’t want anyone to know what I did. Now, I still can’t believe what I did. I know God must be angry with me because I have done a horrible thing. When I hear that people get the death sentence for murder I think I should be right in line with them getting the same punishment. I sit here in my cell wondering how this all happened. I have one more year here but in my heart I know I deserve more. Grace can you help me? Someone said you help people like me. Will you write to me?
Thanks, Rachel
For five years after the abortion, Rachel was on a destructive path as her parents watched helplessly not knowing what was wrong with her or how to help. Rachel’s traumatic reaction to her abortion experience included suicide attempts, alcoholism, drugs, and finally an arrest and conviction for drug dealing.
Sadly, Rachel’s story is not unique. In the U.S., one out of every three abortion patients is a teenager—for whom the possibility of developing psychological and emotional problems after an abortion is substantially higher than for more mature women. Teens are more likely to experience intense feelings of guilt, depression, and isolation. This major, traumatic, experience occurs at a time when their defense mechanisms are not fully developed, which leaves them more susceptible to events and circumstances that can profoundly damage their view of the world, other people, and themselves.
In addition, a secret abortion disrupts family relationships. To protect their secret, teenagers try to hide feelings of depression, sadness, and even thoughts of suicide that might otherwise alert their parents to the problem. If they cannot repress these feelings, they may be disguised with more lies or transformed into anger and rebellion. This need for secrecy accentuates their feelings of shame and will often lead to withdrawal from family and into drugs, alcohol, and destructive relationships.
Kept in the dark, with no way to understand their child’s disturbed behavior, parents are likely to become increasingly frustrated. In turn, parents are likely to fuel the distrust or rebellious nature of the teen because they “simply don’t understand” what he or she is going through.
Along with the facts about abstinence, parenting, adoption, and abortion, it is important for parents to talk with their teens before a crisis. Teens need to know there is nothing they could ever do that could not be handled with God’s help.
It is also important to know how your child’s school handles situations like this as some school counselors and other offiicals may direct teens into an unwanted abortion.
Finally, our young people need to clearly hear the Gospel preached with passion. They know that God has claimed them in Christ, who loved them enough to suffer and die on the cross, so that they may have eternal life.
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death” Romans 8:1 NIV.