by Linda D. Bartlett
So What’s Real Love?
“Love” sure gets talked about a lot. We hear “I love you” in a variety of settings. But what is “real love”? Real love is NOT “soap opera love”—passionate and intense but selfish and temporary. Real love is NOT an “until somebody ‘better’ comes along” kind of “love.”
This book, the Bible, which was written for you, is about real love. Real love is God’s kind of love. God’s love is a protecting, trusting, and hopeful kind of love. God’s love is a forever love. God’s love remains even when life is difficult. God’s love remains even when we are not so lovable, even when we do not love him! Now that’s real love!
God’s real love is described here in 1 Corinthians 13. Real love is patient and kind. Real love doesn’t get jealous. Real love doesn’t boast or become arrogant. Real love isn’t rude or selfish. Real love doesn’t become irritated or keep track of wrongs. Real love isn’t happy with injustice. Real love is happy with the truth. Real love never stops being patient and believing and hoping. Real love just never gives up. This is real love. God loves like this.
So can you love like this? No, not perfectly. But it does help us understand how we are to love. It does help us understand how we are to be loved. It gives us a guide to judge if our love or someone else’s love is real or not. So how do you find this real, God-like love?
Finding Real Love
Finding real love starts when you remember you have been found by love! “This is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the payment for our sins” (1 John 4:10). God’s love found you when you weren’t so lovable! But his love makes you so! God’s forgiving love cleanses and purifies you so completely that you are worthy to be a place where God lives-and God only lives in a holy place! “Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you” (1 Corinthians 6:19). Finding real love, then, starts by remembering whose you are. “You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body” (6:19-20).
Therefore …
Finding real love starts with purity and chastity. Contrary to the world’s perspective, men and women (of any age) are not called to “sexual” living, but holy living. You were created in God’s image, not that of animals. Although the perfect image is flawed by sin, when you are in Christ, you are not held captive by sexual thoughts and desires. You don’t have to act like an animal! You can make good, God-pleasing decisions! Purity and chastity is the best way and the only fool proof way to: avoid sexually transmitted disease, prevent pregnancy, maintain moral values, and build self-esteem. Being sexually pure is not being a prude! Sexual purity is a high and an honorable lifestyle.
Therefore …
Finding real love starts with friendship. Do you respect and trust the person you are dating? Do you have common interests? Do you share the same values? Do you have similar dreams for the future? These are good questions to ask. Because if all you have in common is sexual attraction, what will happen when that attraction goes away? Finding real love is not just looking for sexual attraction. Finding real love is looking for a faithful husband or wife and a loving father or mother to your future children.
Therefore …
Finding real love starts with honoring and respecting God’s institution of marriage. Sexuality is God’s gift. The purpose God has for this gift is the mutual sharing of love and affection and for the procreation of children. But God also has a place for the exercise of this gift-marriage. This life-long commitment between a man and a woman was instituted by God to provide companionship and to reflect the relationship he has with his people. It is truly a holy estate that is to be honored by all. Real love can begin for your future husband or wife right now-even if you haven’t met them yet-by saving yourself for that person until you are joined in marriage.
Real Love makes Safe Choices
Here are some safe choices you can make as you practice real love in response to God’s real love for you:
- Practice not yet sex or saved sex, not “safe sex.”
- Know what YOU won’t let yourself do before you leave home on a date.
- Know the difference between lust and real love.
- Don’t be pressured into doing something you know is wrong.
- Give your hormones a break! Don’t be alone with your girl or guy night after night after night.
- When your conscience warns you, stop before you go too far.
- Respect your date as you want your future wife or husband to respect you.
- Be accountable to: God, your parents, yourself, your someday wife or husband.
- Be cool without drugs or alcohol.
- Choose friends who respect your hopes and dreams.
It’s Never too Late for Real Love
Maybe you have already been sexually active. Maybe you think real love is no longer possible because of what you have already done or that it’s impossible for God to forgive such a big sin. Not true! It’s never too late! God forgives ALL sins! His forgiveness is never-ending. We can come to God anytime, through Jesus Christ, sorry for what we have done and ready to change. He will forgive and help us start over again to discover real love!
Continuing to stay in an unmarried sexual relationship causes you to lose respect for yourself and the person you are with. Even worse, it causes you to grow farther away from God. One girl asked, “How can God love me? I’m not a virgin anymore. I feel used and dirty.” She needs to be reminded that God practices real love and real love, remember, “doesn’t keep track of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Jesus took all our wrong things with him to the cross. When God forgives us through Jesus, he wipes the slate clean! He makes you clean!
So when can you start over? Right now! And you are not alone. There are many young people who have made this smart and healthy choice. You can too. Oh, it’s not easy. Choosing real love is not for wimps! But you are not alone. God’s Spirit and God’s power are within you. It’s never too late to get into the groove of practicing real love!