From LifeDate - Winter 2007.

At the heart of marriage, there is a message about who we are as human beings in relationship to God. Paul writes to the church in Ephesus, "This mystery [called marriage] is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). The Lord is saying to us that marriage is a witness on earth of the victory by Christ that makes us one with Him. As Christ makes us one with Himself through the cross, so marriage makes us one as husband and wife through our faithfulness to each other. At a time in our society when the definition of marriage is being challenged in the courts it is important for us Christians to remember that marriage is not whatever we choose to make of it, but that it is what God has made it to be for us. There may be cultural and social changes that occur in marriages, but the heart of marriage as given by God must not change.

Marriage is like dancing! As in dance, the man must lead and the woman must follow if the dance is to be a delight to both. Marriage, where a husband leads and a wife follows is a reflection of God’s way with us. The Lord leads and we follow. In marriage, a husband is to lead as Ephesians 5:25 says, "as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her." A wife is to follow her husband’s lead as Ephesians 5:22 says, "submit to your own husband as to the Lord." A husband dare not abuse his leadership and a wife dare not refuse to follow his proper lead. In marriage, it takes time to learn what it means to lead and what it means to follow, and how to do it. As with those learning to dance, it requires hard work and practice to learn good leading and good following. Learning to lead and to follow does not come easily, but as signs of improvement begin to appear, the marriage becomes more rewarding for both husband and wife.

Marriage is a gift of God to us, an act of God’s grace. If, as Christians we believe this then it is important that we work at our marriages and not allow them to deteriorate and die. We must learn that it is not love that keeps a marriage going, but the practice of daily forgiveness in marriage that results in love for each other. Love is not a feeling but a calculated commitment "for better or for worse." When mutual forgiveness is present, love begins to grow. Where there is a willingness on the part of both husband and wife to rebuild a damaged relationship in marriage, the forgiveness of sins will bring them together again by the grace of God. However, repentance in marriage does not come easily. Repentance does not begin with the "other person"; it always begins with "me." Repentance requires honest, mutual self-evaluation in which we admit to the other person and to God, without reservation, our own sins. Once confession of wrong (sin) has been made there is no acceptable response but to forgive. Our Lord taught us to pray, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Rebuilding the relationship feeds on daily mutual confession and absolution as needed. This is the way it needs to be between spouses and between God and us.

Marriage has its good days and bad days. My wife and I have been blessed with a good marriage, in spite of the usual disagreements from time to time. We have been practicing marriage and forgiveness for more than forty years. Recently, we started dance lessons and practice dancing at home or at the dance studio several times a week. As difficult as it is to learn to dance, it is easier to dance than it is to learn how to be married. I do not know that we could have worked as hard and long or had as much success in dance or in marriage if it was not for the grace of God and the forgiveness of sins.

Because of God’s grace toward us in marriage, my wife and I have written a book titled, Marriage Is Like Dancing, published by Concordia Publishing House a few months ago. Although I was the primary author, the book was written with much discussion between us and it concludes with an Afterward by my wife. We give it as a gift to the Church that God’s Word might be evident in what we have learned and written.