Why Not Just Live Together

Why Not Just Live Together?

Welcome to the '90’s where marriage is viewed as enslavement by ultra-feminists, being a family is defined as "living with people who share a concern for each other," and legalized abortion removes the inconvenience of pregnancy.

What a sad world!

Let's shake this doom and gloom and take a careful look at the real truth about love, marriage, and family . . .

What's the big deal about getting married? My girlfriend and I have a great sex life without it!

Translation: "I want to have sex with you and I may even love you, but I'm not sure enough to commit my life to you."

I'm no fool! Sleeping around is risky business, so I'm in a monogamous relationship - without the commitment.

Translation: "I'm not sure I want you forever, but I don't want anyone else to have you."

I have a child and I'm on ADC. Sure, I love him! But we can't afford to get married!

Translation: "We can have it all - extra money and a shared bedroom."

I won't know if it feels right until we try living together first. I don't

want my marriage to fail because we weren't compatible!

Translation: "I want to try you out, and if I don't like you, I can walk away - no strings attached."

Marriage

God created marriage when He brought Adam and Eve together in the garden. Although marriage between a man and woman is a biblical concept, even non-Christian cultures have traditions about the roles of a husband and wife. In a married relationship, the man protects and provides for his wife and family. The woman is then enabled to fulfill her role as nurturer and caregiver.

The bond of marriage creates an environment of trust and stability so that it can mature to new depths of love and understanding. Unconditional love does not cage a mate but enables a loved one to be the person they are. Much of the real joy in marriage comes from giving, not getting. When husband and wife are faithfully committed to one another, their children can grow up with identity, purpose, and a desire to serve others.

When a man and a woman decide to marry, they are saying . . .

"I want to wake up beside you every morning... to be your best friend... to help you reach your greatest potential."

"I love you enough to commit myself to you. I want to grow old with you. Calling it quits is not an option for me."

"Making a home for you and our children is more important than my career or the kind of house we live in."

The Woman

When asked, "What is the one thing you want most out of life?" surveys reveal that the majority of women will answer, "A home and family." Sadly, living together may appear to be the next best thing to marriage, offering at least a measure of security. However, when a man tells a woman he "wants her" but does not commit himself to her - for better or for worse - she is left to wonder, "What if I'm not good enough?" "What if he tires of me?" "What if someone better catches his eye?" "What if I become pregnant?"

By nature, the female sex is vulnerable - whether she likes it or not. Therefore, a woman does well to look for a man who will respect her personhood, honor her sexuality, protect her heart, and provide for her well-being. Marriage to a man who unconditionally loves his wife brings out the best in a woman.

The Man

A man who makes a commitment to love and cherish his wife is a strong man. He has chosen to place the needs of his wife before his own pride or ego. A husband who stands between his wife and the world, protecting her from physical and emotional assault, models a respect for womanhood. A strong man understands that authority is not a right but a responsibility.

A father's love and respect for his family - which begins with his wife - cannot help but spill over into his relationships with other people. He does not "rule" his wife and children but cares for them. He is courteous and respectful of their personhood. Correctly understood, headship actually means servanthood.

The Family

"Playing house" should not be confused with "making a home." While living together may seem "safe," it certainly is not secure. The promise to "love, honor, and cherish" is the thread that weaves through a healthy home. But the lack of commitment creates an environment of fear and distrust.

Think About It . . .

What happens when a child is conceived by a couple who are not married? Whose name does that child bear? What connections does that child have?

What does a daughter learn when she knows her mother has settled for sex instead of intimacy? What lessons does a son learn from his mother's live-in boyfriend?

What better model exists for a daughter than a father who is faithful to her mother? What better model exists for a son than a father who respects his mother?

Real love is patient and kind.

Real love isn't proud or boastful.

Real love isn't happy with evil but is pleased with truth.

Real love always protects, trusts, hopes, and goes the distance!

Talking Points

But how will I know if we're compatible? We don't want to just be another divorce statistic. That's what dating and courtship are for. Don't spend your dating years going in and out of one sexual "relationship" after another. Give yourself room to breathe! Ask yourself:

Can the person I love be trusted?

Do we share similar values and beliefs?

Is our love unconditional?

How well do I get along with his/her family?

Do we respect one another, even when we disagree?

Can we communicate?

Will the person I love be there for me, even when times get tough?

But it feels so good. How can it be wrong? Here's a good way to lose perspective on the relationship. Feelings have the ability to cloud intellect, leaving both man and woman slaves to self-gratifying impulses. Intimacy must proceed slowly if a relationship is to go the distance!

I'm not ready for marriage, and I don't want to lose my freedom. If you're not ready for the commitment of marriage, then you don't qualify for the benefits of marriage.

I don't want to lose him. He says we're going to get married after he gets a better job and we can afford a nicer house. It's not about where you live, but how you live. It's not about what you have, but who you are. A broken heart isn't worth the price of temporary satisfaction.

by Linda D. Bartlett

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