For every woman who participates in an abortion, there is a man. Although men are less likely to seek recovery, they suffer many of the same emotional feelings as women.

Mike was a struggling college student when his girlfriend told him she was pregnant. Mike did what many in his situation have done, he told her to do what she felt was best. She was convinced her life would be ruined. "Neither of us wanted to be parents," he explains. "But I went to the clinic with her. I will never forget how her face looked when she came out of the abortion clinic. She never looked the same, something in her died along with our baby. I still remember the long ride home. We never spoke a word about it. It has been seventeen years and I still think about her and our baby when I pass the area of the clinic." Ultimately, guilt and shame led Mike to Word of Hope, where he learned about God’s forgiveness.

David was 20 years old and had just joined the military when his girlfriend wrote to tell him she was pregnant. "I was scared, but excited. I wanted to marry her," David says. When he returned home after basic training, David was informed by his girlfriend’s father that he had taken his daughter Sarah for an abortion. Sarah’s father told him he would no longer be allowed to see his daughter. David left. It has been ten years and he still can not stop thinking about her and his child. David says, "When I see a young pregnant woman I think about her. I let them both down. I was not there to protect her or my baby." David sought counsel from Word of Hope, where he learned about God’s forgiveness and returned to his childhood church.

In these three cases, the men say what followed was regret, sorrow, and conviction.

They have been called "forgotten fathers," men stripped of their fundamental right to protect their unborn children. Their grief is not validated by a society that paradoxically demands accountability from the deadbeat dad, but scorns the one who wants his child to live.

"Abortion rewrites the rules of masculinity," says Dr. Vincent Rue, one of the nation’s leading psychologists in post-abortion issues. "Whether or not the male was involved in the abortion decision, his inability to function in a socially prescribed manner leaves him wounded and confused."

Men are also bypassed legally. Like David, most men do not realize until they face an unplanned pregnancy that they have no rights and no legal recourse to protect their unborn child.

First, men often don’t know they are suffering because the symptoms of post-abortion stress seem unrelated to the abortion itself: inability to form trusting relationships, difficulty bonding with children, anger, risk taking, depression, suicidal feelings, panic attacks, and addictions. It is not uncommon that it may take up to ten years before men make the connection between their unhealthy behavior and an abortion.

For men to heal, they must:

Grieve: Men have been taught not to show their feelings. The result is that grown men have a difficult time expressing their own emotions. They need to cry and acknowledge that they have lost somebody who’s dear to them. Many have never seen their father cry. Some have never seen another man cry. Combined with their fragile ego and lack of "emotional" role models, it is understandable why men don’t seek recovery. However, men feel pain and grieve the loss just as women do.

Forgive: It took David ten years and Mike seventeen years to fully grasp what had happened and to accept God’s love and forgiveness.

Reconcile: After an abortion, 70 percent of relationships will end shortly after. Many men seek some sort of reconciliation with those involved. Mike contacted his former girlfriend and apologized for his role. David still has a strong need to find his girlfriend and tell her he is sorry for not protecting her.

Accept this fact: I am a father. Until men begin to acknowledge that abortion has damaged their lives and do something about it, society, families, and the church will continue to suffer. For men and women alike, the feeling of emptiness may last a lifetime. Parents are parents forever, even of a dead child.