It was a tearful plea from a young man over the phone. "My girlfriend is pregnant and is going to have an abortion. It’s my child as well as hers. What can I do?"

It was with tearful regret that a young woman spoke of her reasons for choosing abortion. "My boyfriend said I had to" was at the top of the list.

Both of these situations remind us of something it is all too easy to overlook—men are affected by the choice of abortion. The first scenario reminds us that a father has no choice when it comes to whether his child will be aborted or not. Legally, the choice to abort lies solely with the mother. The father may pray, encourage the choice of life, try to get the mother to a pregnancy center, but he has no legal recourse. This inability to protect his child can lead to a wide range of emotional problems including depression and despair.

The second situation above reminds us that sometimes the father is the one who is pressuring the mother to make the abortion choice. He may feel ashamed, guilty, confused, and afraid. He just wants the "problem" to go away. He may threaten to break off the relationship. He may offer to pay for the abortion or drive her to the clinic. Sooner or later, however, the reality of his action—promoting the death of his own child—may overwhelm him and lead to shame, guilt, and despair.

There is a reason why both situations can lead men to despair. It is hard to dispute that for a woman to make a choice to have the child of her womb killed is "unnatural." It is contrary to God’s design and will for mothers. The same is true for men. It is "unnatural" for a father not to protect his child. The first man, Adam, was given the role of providing (Genesis 2:15). God’s will about the trees of the Garden of Eden was given to him (Genesis 2:16-17). He was to ensure his future wife and family would enjoy the fruit of the garden, and he was to protect them from the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. He is held responsible when he fails to do so (1Corinthians 15:22). As a result, there is now so much more from which children need protection. Throughout Scripture, fathers are placed as heads of their families to love, provide, and protect. Being unable or unwilling to protect his child from abortion strikes at the very heart of fatherhood.

But there is hope. God loves fathers. He is one. Fathers of aborted children can find hope and comfort in this fact. God is the Father of Jesus and, in Him, our Father. The resurrected Jesus said to Mary,

"Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God’" (John 20:17b NIV).

God understands fatherhood. God understands the loss of a child.

There is hope for fathers who were unable to prevent the abortion of their children. Fathers of aborted children have no focus for their grief. There is no body to view, no funeral to attend, and no graveside to visit. Since abortion is a "legal right," there is not even recognition of a need for fathers to grieve. For the most part, society has abandoned these grieving fathers. But God does not abandon them. In Psalm 91, God’s Fatherhood is described as a "fortress." But He is not a cold, immovable fortress.

"He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart" (Psalm 91:4 NIV).

God is a warm, loving, and movable fortress. He can come where we are. He is with us to support us and strengthen us right in the middle of our grief. It is His faithfulness, not our circumstances, that we can rely upon. He has demonstrated His faithfulness in the sending of His own Son. Under God’s wings, fathers of aborted children can grieve, and in the resurrected Jesus, they have a living hope (1Peter 1:3).

There is hope for fathers who were unwilling to protect their children and supported or even demanded the abortion. When our heavenly Father gave up His Son for us on the cross, Jesus’ first words were,

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34 NIV).

The soldiers who nailed Jesus to that cross and then gambled for His clothing really had no idea of the holy innocence of this particular victim of their cruel execution. This did not excuse them from their sin, but neither were they excluded from God’s forgiveness.

There is so much acceptance of the "rightness" of abortion in our country and so much pressure that this is the one and only way out of a difficult situation that many rush into abortion without fully understanding the cruel reality of what they have done. This does not excuse them from their sin, but neither does it exclude them from God’s forgiveness. If God can forgive those who crucified His own Son, He can, and does, forgive those who committed the sin of abortion.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 NIV).

God’s justice over sin was satisfied when Jesus suffered sin’s punishment for all sinners on the cross. Because of this our faithful Father will "forgive" (literally "send away") our sins and "purify us" (literally "cleanse completely"). He will do this for "all" sins we confess to Him including the sin of abortion.

Fathers who have been involved in the sin of abortion may want to seek out a pastor and go through individual confession and absolution. This is a wonderful way to share your grief and burden and receive God’s forgiveness through His servant, the pastor, as if from Christ Himself.

Many have found David’s prayer over his great sin particularly helpful. It seems a fitting way to end this article. Perhaps it will be the beginning of hope and healing for some hurting father as He turns to the Fatherhood of God.