Dwight's Story

Dwight’s Story – Adoption
by Marian H.

As my husband and I sat in the adjoining “adoption” room awaiting his arrival in our arms, we could hear soft crying from the room where his mother, Sara, was dressing him and saying her last goodbyes to this, her firstborn child. My heart was breaking for her as well as rejoicing in our blessing. It is almost impossible to describe such feelings, but one overwhelming thought was how much I loved her for her sacrifice and how I wanted so much to be able to let her know from time to time how her beautiful son was doing and that we were being faithful to her trust in placing her son with us.

Having exhausted all existing medical technology in attempts to have children of our own, we decided to adopt. The Lord did indeed bless and gift us with three beautiful children. This is the story of the middle child, Dwight, and the reunion with this lovely woman who 19 years ago sacrificed for his “best good.” In March of 1970, we began the adoption procedure and were approved to adopt a son, with 175 other couples on the waiting list.

The home had been having mostly girl babies, so we waited . . . and waited . . . and waited. Finally, on August 6, 1971, Dwight was born and we were notified to pick up our new son. Only others who’ve had to wait similarly can understand the agony of the wait and the frustration of the very necessary rules and regulations of the adoption process. On March 29, 1972, Dwight legally became our son.

From the beginning we had told our children of their adoption stories and that when they were old enough we would help them search for their birth families if that was their desire. We also cautioned them that the family might not wish contact and if they did, there was the possibility that the expectations on both sides might cause some disappointment. All expressed interest and have through the years looked forward to the search, but have never seemed overly anxious or had problems with their adoption.

So in the spring of 1990, Dwight decided to begin a search and contacted the adoption agency. They sent the name of a woman with whom they had a contract to do searches. Since they were entrusted with the birth family’s confidentiality, they could not help with the search themselves. Because of the cost involved, I wrote our attorney who helped with the finalization of the adoption, telling him of our plans and asking his advice. He immediately sent a copy of the relinquishment paper Sara had signed, using her correct name.

Next I wrote the Bureau of Vital Statistics, asking for a copy of the original birth certificate, thinking it might have Sara’s address at the time of relinquishment. Of course, they responded by saying they couldn’t release it without a court order (and that some judges, due to personal choices, would not issue such an order).

Feeling at a roadblock, I wrote the woman the agency had recommended, saying that we respected her professionalism, but felt due to cost and my experience in the medical‑social welfare system, we’d like to do for ourselves as much as we could of the search. I asked if she had any suggestions on how to proceed. She was most gracious to respond with a name of a woman who also did this work and whose charge was only $50. I contacted her and sent the required application papers and fee. In about three weeks she called with Sara’s family’s names and addresses. On November 8, I sent a letter to Sara. All of this was done without opening the sealed birth records—only driver’s license and social security records were used.

It just amazes me how good the Lord is to have opened all the doors as He did. We started this project with prayer that He would handle every step and stop it anywhere if it was not His plan. All three of us felt at peace about either option. And we totally trusted Him to put it together because if He wasn’t in it, it could be a disaster that we didn’t need. Our main focus was what would be best for Dwight—little did we know the flood of blessings that we’d see in every direction!

As soon as Sara received my letter she called and we talked for three hours! She, too, had been hoping for 19 years for this reunion and had been praying specifically just the 2 months before we made contact. God had been working on her end at the same time. She had already decided to start a search when she received our letter. In fact, just two weeks before she’d been having lunch with a favorite sister‑in‑law and had burst into tears, saying that something wonderful was about to happen concerning this desire.

Even more special is the fact that Sara has never had any other children; Dwight is her only child. He was the first grandchild as well. I should interject what a thrill it was to find that Sara is a “reborn” Christian. We can’t express the joy that we are both experiencing. We invited her here for Thanksgiving and even though it was holiday time and an impossibility to get a flight at that late date, she was able to get one on just a day’s notice! God is so good.

We allowed Dwight to visit her in Texas for Christmas. She then returned with him for New Year’s and they’ve been on the phone at least once a week since. It was such fun watching this mother checking out her son just as a mother does with her newborn—counting fingers, comparing the same genetic odd toes, the way they can curl their tongues alike, etc.

While she was here we introduced her to our church family on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It was also National Adoption Week. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place! And the “ripples’ from this story just go on and on. Pastor preached on tithing and both she and Dwight decided to commit to that practice.

When she returned home, some old friends from high school days gave her a baby shower and one of the men handed her a check—for the exact amount of her airfare up here. I’m struck by the verses Joel 2:25 and Psalm 30:5b where God says He will restore all that the locusts have eaten and “joy cometh in the morning.”

Sara made a supreme sacrifice of love, giving her firstborn (she had been counseled first by a pastor to go to New York where his congregation would provide the cost for airfare and an abortion). She grieved, yet hoped for 19 years—but God is faithful and rewards the righteous. She has lived with the pain, but also with the hope. That hope is now rewarded. And her 19 years of prayers for her son’s safety and happiness have been realized. I can’t forget a local pastor who told me once, trying to justify abortion, “How can anyone take joy from someone else’s tragedy?” My answer is that they, in their tragedy, have chosen life, not death, and God will reward that sacrifice in His own way and time. Both Sara and I are experiencing great joy. I not only had the joy of raising a fantastic creation of God, but now of watching a mother reunited with her child and seeing herself and her family being immensely blessed by his life.

All those whom Dwight introduced his mom to while she was here have also spread the word and we are still getting reports of lives being affected.

Dwight has handled this marvelously and has been a real comfort to his mother, helping her through the guilt feelings of having given him up, wondering if she did the right thing, etc. He told her that she “wouldn’t have wanted to raise me—I was a pain and there’s no way you could have handled me without a husband.” He immediately reassured her that he’d had a fine life, that he was happy about who he is, how he was raised and had no resentment for her or her parents for choosing that option.

When he talked to Sara’s mother the first time, that was the first question she asked him—“Can you forgive me for making Sara give you up?” He assured her he felt no bitterness toward any of them. The Lord is working so wonderfully in Sara’s whole family, drawing them all closer together and healing relationships. His uncles and cousins all just love him—her whole family has been ecstatic and supportive.

There’s more! Sara’s next time was deciding how to share this news with Dwight’s father—a man who’d never been told of his conception. Interestingly, he is married to a friend of hers (Sara had worked with Donna during her courtship with Gary and attended their wedding). Sara prayed about what to do. She knew Dwight wanted to meet his father as well, but she desperately wanted to do nothing that might hurt Dwight. She couldn’t know Gary’s reaction or that of his wife, Donna. Also, there was the slight possessive aspect of wanting him “all to herself.” This 19-year-old, comforting her, said “Let’s pray together about it” and they did.

He told her that he felt okay about whatever happened and to decide for herself about when to contact Gary. Sara continued to pray and one day found herself thinking about Gary with warm, encouraging thoughts instead of the fear that she’d been experiencing.

That day she wrote Gary and later told me, “My fingers were holding the pen, but I was not writing that letter; it had to be the Holy Spirit because I don’t know how else I could have done it.” She continued to pray as she mailed it. Gary received her letter at his office late in the day (Sara says that God is so good even in the timing because to have received such news early in the day would have just “wiped him out” for working.) He took it home and waited for Donna to come home from a meeting. He said that before he shared it he had decided to call Sara and request a picture. When Donna read it, her only comment was “I think you should call Sara and ask for a picture.”

He called the next day from work, was assured Dwight was his child, and was filled in on the details. When he got home, Donna had filled their home with “It’s a boy” balloons. What a special lady! Gary and Donna have no other children either, as he had decided years ago not to burden children with a grandfather (his dad) and a father who were workaholics. The next day he called Dwight, then us, talking with both Jim and me (he’d already called his parents and brothers with the news and they were all excited—even his 91-year-old grandmother cried with joy.

Gary shared that he’d had a void in his life all these years without children and that he now felt that void filling. He also indicated that he was learning where priorities should be—in people, not work, etc. Also he said that he didn’t know how he might have reacted if he’d known about Dwight at the time of his conception or what his “counsel” to Sara would have been (the Lord was protecting this child even then).

All our new family have been so concerned with our feelings in all this and so precious to call immediately with assurance that they had no intention of interfering with our relationship with Dwight. In fact, it is getting embarrassing and unpleasant to constantly have to deny our “sainthood” at allowing all this to take place.

The weekend after Gary learned of Dwight’s existence, he flew Dwight to his home to meet his family. They all fell in love with him and he spent hours with Gary and his father. Dwight shared the reason for the trip with people on the plane, and getting off the plane had a whole entourage behind him to witness this great reunion. One of the women was also an adoptee.

During the visit, Sara had also gone to Houston to stay with her brother, hoping to see Dwight some. She was very torn by the desire to be with Dwight, yet give him time with his father. On Saturday night she was taken by her brother’s family to the IMAX presentation, was grieving over Dwight not being with them for such an unusual show, prayed that God would help her with her anxiety over not being able to spend as much time with Dwight, when in walked Dwight, Gary, and Donna! Sara had gone to the theater at 8 p.m. only to find it sold out and had to wait until the 10 p.m. show—the same one Dwight was to attend.

Isn’t our Lord wonderful the way He rewards our patience, unselfishness, and our cries for strength! On Tuesday after Dwight’s return, I was on the phone with airline ticket agents, trying to plan a trip for our family to meet this new part of the family. I just mentioned the reason for the trip and the woman got so excited, saying that she was also adopted and wanted to find her birth mother, but was afraid and didn’t know how to go about it. We chatted about it, I gave her the name and address of the woman who helped us find Sara, and I encouraged her to “go for it.” I assured her adopted family that they had nothing to lose because no one could ever replace them and she had nothing to lose, but a lot to gain. She ended the conversation greatly encouraged and ready to search for her mom.

These situations just seem to come up every day or so and it is so exciting to be a part of watching others be encouraged. I wonder if God is about the business of restoring relationships in these last days—is it because we really are closer to the Lord’s return than we realize?

In early March Gary and Donna came here to visit, we introduced them to our church family and are still having people come tell us how much they were blessed to witness the event.

A fun thing too, has been that as well as now having so many parents and grandparents to shower attention and affection upon Dwight, he also has that many more “authorities” telling him what to do! And are we exercising it!

When sharing our story we’ve had two reactions: that of joy and tears, or fear and replies of “How could you chance her taking him away from you?” At 19 years of age, there is little chance of that; children at college are expanding their horizons in spite of us and that’s as it should be. And, no one can take away the experiences, joys, and frustrations we’ve had for 19 years.

Our relationship with him has been set and is secure. In finding his natural parents, there is nothing to lose—only much to gain.

If there is disappointment in expectations, there is nothing lost because there was no relationship to begin with and the experiences and memories with the adoptive family cannot be lost.

More importantly, we must remember that our children are gifts from God, created by Him with a purpose, and we being allowed a small part in that creation. Dwight belongs not to Jim and me, Sara, or Gary, but to God; we are only stewards, charged with training our precious one in the ways of the Lord, guiding and nurturing him to be a responsible citizen.

To many, children are “planned” or “accidents.” Not only from the Christian perspective, but from knowledge of physiology of reproduction, there could be no pregnancy without the Lord’s involvement. While Dwight wasn’t planned, he certainly was no accident. God had a plan and worked out all the details. There is the analogy of God working on a tapestry, with us seeing only the underside of mixed threads. We are now enjoying watching the tapestry come together, getting an idea of the “big picture” with many, many lives being touched—all because of one special young man and the sacrifice made by his mother years ago.